A goat path to fulfillment and a blood moon eclipse

Last night we had an eclipse. The moon turned red – it was called a blood moon, for reasons I’m not sure, but it was pretty cool. I’ll take it as some sort of sign – a sacrificial moment where the old me is passing and a new me is dawning, but it’s been a somewhat bloody process.

Today I start my coaching program at Royal Roads. As I met with the group last night, I reflected on the fact that I have the power to intentionally present the me that I want them to know during our next 9 months together. I also realized that I have the power and the choice to do that a lot. Where I struggle, is in presenting a new me to old friends and family and expecting them to be open to the idea. It feels like a falsehood somehow. Like I’m trying to be better than I’ve always been in some way that’s offensive to the past. It got me thinking – how open are we to the people in our lives changing, growing, becoming?

I’ve done so much personal development over the last year that I hardly recognize myself anymore. I feel so much more grounded, more aware of my “go to” behaviours, more capable of changing and catching old habits that no longer serve me. It’s at the point that when my husband calls me on stuff, like messy or lazy household habits, that I intentionally think “hm – is that how I want to be?” I know I don’t like the conflict, I know I don’t like the mess, so why do I continue that behaviour? And then instead of beating myself up over my lack of willingness to change, I consciously make the choice to either pick up my shit or stand up for that habit. Because each time I choose not to change a habit, I am intentionally choosing to keep an old pattern of behaving. And in doing so, I am choosing the consequences of that behaviour.

My friends and family have known me the way I am and have been, and they expect me to stay that way. When I make a change or a choice that’s different, I so badly want to scream it from the rooftops and have everyone jump on board. But it’s not that easy. They don’t know the shift inside, nor do they necessarily expect the shift will stick. My friend Jodi from the Purpose Project has this concept of the 8 lane highways that are our go-to habits vs the goat path to happiness and fulfillment. I have various 8 lane highways that are my comfortable habits and behaviours – and chances are good I am likely going to fall back into those behaviours again and again while I try to carve a new path to a new way of behaving. But that doesn’t mean it’s not possible. I have to believe it’s possible. I would love it if my friends and family would also believe it’s possible for me, particularly if that new path takes me to a better place of existence.

I have a person in my life battling an addiction that, should he continue on this path, is going to kill him. He has fallen, time and time again, and the go-to reaction is that everyone in his life expects him to fail. In his mind, he has no reason to change his behaviours because he believes that there’s nobody in this world that expects any different of him. He has made his choices, he continues to make the choice, and therefore he shall forever stay a failure. With nobody to believe he’s capable of change, including himself, no wonder he stays stuck.

I yearn for my people to hold me capable of change. I need to do the same for him. Yes he’s a trainwreck right now. But that’s his 8 lane highway. Carving a new path to health and happiness is going to be difficult and hard. It’s likely going to be harder than me trying to carve a new path through my laundry pile. But he needs me in his court to believe he can and is capable of change. We all do. If all I want right now is for my friends and family to take me seriously in my growth mindset, then who am I not to do the same for him?

I’m launching into a new direction today, and I’m not exactly sure where it’s going to take me. My hope is that my friends and family are not just sitting back, rolling their eyes and saying “that Teri, always up to something.” I want to succeed, and I want to be surrounded by people who want to see me succeed. A part of that, for me, is to check my mindset about believing in OTHERS to succeed and grow and change.

We are all capable of carving new pathways to become who we really want to be. Let’s stop rolling our eyes at the ones we love, come alongside and pick up a machete!